What Not to Wear Part II

Ok, I have left you hanging long enough on the heart attack from my sister.

So, my sister called me up and says we need to talk about the wedding. I told her there is not going to be some big fancy wedding. She started having a heart attack about it before I could even start telling her my plans and hopes.

"I want there to be a wedding"
"I've never been in any one else's weddding"
"I want to be the one that stands up there and gets to hold the brides flowers"
"I want to wear a fancy Maid of Honor/Bridesmaid dress"
"What colors are you going to have"*

Whoa, whoa whoa. Slow down. I am not going to wear a fancy dress so neither are you. I am not going to pick out a color scheme. I am not going to have flowers every where unless they are already planted in the ground. OMG, you would have thought I just cut her fucking arms off. She started panicking that she would not get to wear a nice dress. And OMG don't forget about the girls and that they would want to be flower girls and wear fancy dresses and shoes. And OMG don't forget about.......

Stop again. No color scheme, no flower girls, no fancy dresses for the girls (although on that point it was more to aggrevate her than anything. The girls can wear whatever they want to. They are adorable in their fancy "party dresses" and patent leather shoes.).

Then she proceeded to tell me that I HAVE to wear a dress. I cannot get married in jeans. (I may tell her that is fine as long as I get to wear a black one and she what kind of fit she has then.) She told me that I had to wear shoes(meaning heels). Now, come on, every person that knows me knows I don't wear dress shoes(meaning heels-have you ever seen an elephant in heels? No? Me either, but I think that is what I would look like trying to walk in heels-no coordination). I wear tennis shoes every day that I can.** Or no shoes as soon as I get home.

I tried to tell her that this will totally not be a traditional wedding. I want my kind of wedding. The kind that is more of a party or celebration than a solemn occasion uniting a man and woman. Shouldn't we be celebrating that we want to get married, not standing following some protocol? And most definitely we will do it how we want. Just a simple "I do" ceremony and then a big cookout and party afterwards. Of course we will have to sneak off to do a simple ceremony of our own at some point during the evening....

My poor sister wants to be in a traditional wedding so bad she can't stand it. She wants to stand up with me, have the girls be flower girls, dress up, all of the flowers and hoop-la decorating the church and all that shit. I kept trying to tell her it wasn't going to happen, but she kept insisting. I am pretty sure it will crush her when I still do it my way, but I. Am. Not. Wearing. A. Dress. Or. Shoes. She is going to have a heart attack all over again when I tell her that I am absolutely certain I am not doing it her way. But she had her fairy tale wedding, and I had to do things her way. Like wearing a dress, that came from a bridal shop. I just won't be doing that. No more will my feet be walking into a bridal shop. For anyone. That shit is way to girlie for me to want to even be in the same room.

So my poor poor sister is going to have to suck up being all prissy and preppy and come down to my level for a day. Hick City here I come, with my preppy sister in tow. They won't know what hit them. She is trendy and makes me crazy. But have no doubt that I love my sister, and most definitely love to torture the fuck out of her. Cuz, you know, that's what sisters are for.


* I am pretty sure there was more, but with all the fast talking, panicking and words falling out of her mouth at that high rate of speed, I did not catch all of it. I just can't wait to have the wedding conversation with her again, just to see what happens to come out of her mouth next.

**As a side note the reason for tennies is that I am a total clutz. I stopped in to see a friend of mine at the bar/grill I go to that she works at. She was pulling in as I got there. She and I walked up to each other and she was going to give me a hug for congratulations, but instead caught me because even in tennies, I tripped up, yes up, the curb and fell into her. That is my grace in action. So NO heels.

Non Waxing, Non Milk Kind of Visits. Oh Yeah, and Easter.

Come and join me over at Keely's. She's the Un Mom. You'll love her. Then grab an ugly purple button of your own and play along. And don't bitch about it, just do what you're told.



I learned that I do not have what it takes to wax. I think it requires far more skill, or talent, or coordination or some damn thing that I don't have. It was pretty funny though. Not funny enough to try it again on my own.

I have been eating like a pig. I hate PMS. Glad it should be ending soon. Not glad for the next step though.

I will be officially moving now at the first of May. My last day at work will be the 30th of April. MM is coming up to help me pack the truck and spend some time with my family/friends a couple of days before I move down there. I plan on spending Friday night with me, MM and my mom. Then spend Saturday with MM, my mom, sis and her girls, and all of us spending the day over at K's house.  We can do a cookout or something. She said if it is nice out, we can sit on their new patio in the back or just stay inside and visit if the weather is not so nice. Then we can go home and start loading the truck, finish loading Sunday morning, get on the road on Sunday afternoon or early evening. We will unpack all the big stuff on Monday since MM has to go back to work on Tuesday. I can unload and unpack the rest of the stuff.

I am so looking forward to this weekend. It is a long weekend for me since it's Easter. I get to spend a couple of days with MM and then spend Sunday with S. What a happy weekend. I am always glad for days off work, but even more glad when I get to spend the days with the men I love. (Wouldn't S love to know he was called a man instead of a boy hehe)

We don't have any plans for Easter because I will be visiting my son. We will probably go to the park, hide eggs and just hang out all day. Maybe play some baseball together. And eat. Gotta eat Easter candy. And treats.

I love oreos.

What? This is supposed to be random.

Also, I don't love milk.

I know, what's up with that shit? Oreos and no milk. Milk is gross.

I won't gross you all out by my reasons, but just know that if I can help it, I will always avoid milk. I have rice milk in my car and at home right now. Not real milk, but that is what makes it good to me.

Fu** and Double Fu**

Warning: Lots of Cuss Words Ahead


I know I said that I was going to post about my sister's reaction to my half-assed wedding plans, but I am really feeling the need to vent. I am finally caught up with all the data entry that I had to do over the past few weeks. And all I fucking got was "I thought you were already caught up". No fucking thank you, no fuck off you were too slow. What kind of statement is that. She knew I wasn't because she did not have my reports yet. Then while I am trying to get some journal entries done, I keep getting phone calls from another office because she cannot find a mistake. I am soooo sorry but it is not really something I care about today. I just don't want to worry about it right now. Too bad. I have to. So I spend almost two hours searching for a mistake in one of the cash lines. We still haven't found it. We found another error in the entries, but not the one we were looking for. So I get my journal entries in and forget to tell the gal that has reports to run behind me getting them posted. For like three hours. She asked as she was getting ready to leave, and of course my brain is so fried today I didn't even know what she was talking about at first. Then thought I had told her. Sorry, my fuck-up. She was not really upset, she said she would do them in the morning. That was perfectly fine with her. Then mega-bitch from the office next door just had to keep coming in our office today with questions. She also asked about the journal entries. I told her, rather bitchy like, that no they weren't in because I have spent the last five working days doing nothing but the payables you dumped on me all at once. 2 1/2 fucking months worth of shit she sat on and sat on and sat on. And I got less than two weeks to get it all in. In addition to running three month ends,  and one year end. On top of also doing all the day to day shit that keeps the office running, like payroll. Bitch, I've been busy. Then I turn back to my work and she keeps staring at me. I finally looked at her again, and she had the nerve to ask if I was okay. *snort* Just peachy. I have been working my ass off for days on end here, and she has been giving me hell, as usual, and she wants to know if I'm okay. Not that she really cares. She probably is counting the minutes until I leave. In case you didn't get it, we don't like each other. I definitely won't be missing her when I can tell this place good-bye. I'll miss my actual office and my co-workers in here, but damn I'll be glad to never have to talk to that bitch again. She's the talk nice to your face and slit your throat and stab you in the back at the same time kind of person. Laughing the whole time of how she got the better of you.

I'm sure that each individual complaint here doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but when you are getting ready to leave, trying to play two + months worth of catch up, they haven't even posted your job so someone can get hired for you to train, and then office neighbor being pissy all at the same time, it just overwhelmed me. Thanks for being there for me. I needed you today Interneters.

What Not to Wear

I am not classy. I don't like to dress up. I don't want to wear dresses (mostly because I am super self-conscious about my legs which I think are fat) and I sure don't like to wear shoes that show off and highlight my toes (I have ugly toes). I want to go barefoot, in jeans and a tank top or t-shirt. I even mow my yard in bare feet (I fucking know I could cut my toes or feet off, I have heard it all before so stuff it because I am certain a pair of tennis shoes is not going to stop that blade). 'Course, I have green feet when I'm done, but it washes off eventually.

I do know how to behave in public. I do know how to present a classy facade. I just tend to ruin it when I open my mouth.

This is leading somewhere so stick with me....

A wedding. I hope to get married sometime this fall. I want an outdoor/backyard wedding because I don't go to church and that seems wrong to me. It would seem false to me to go and a have a church wedding with G-d and all that shit when that is not how I believe(that's a whole different post and I don't want to hear about it today, K?). So MM is A-ok with an outdoor wedding. Score one for me.

I want to get married without wearing some ridiculous poofy white mostrosity of a dress. I don't do dresses, and I certainly don't do wedding dresses. Ick is all I can say. I want to wear jeans. And a tank top. And no shoes. You read that right. I want to get married in bare feet. And jeans. And MM doesn't care as long as we get married in a ceremony and he doesn't have to wear a tux. Score two for me.

(Side note: I just went to the bathroom here at work, and OMG, that bathroom is freeze your ass to the seat cold!)

Then I asked MM if he cared if we went to Vegas and got married by Elvis. He was okay with that, too. Then I realized that both of our children would be disappointed if they did not get to be there and be a part of it. So, we'll get shackled here.

When I told my mom my plans to get hitched barefoot in jeans, she laughed and said that sounded just like me. She also asked where I planned to get married since she knew it would not be in a church. She said the backyard sounded like a good idea to her, too. She said it fit me and was appropriate for my personality. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Then, I told my sister. Now, I do love my sister, but as far as people can go, we are polar opposites. Literally. She had a fairy tale wedding with the flowers and dress and church and blah, blah, blah. I hated every minute of it, and as I was the Maid of Honor, a lot fell to me. Yuck. I have had enough wedding like that for my lifetime.

And now I will leave you with a cliff hanger to see what my sister said/did/heart-attacked about when I told her my plans. I mean come on, we haven't even officially set a date yet. Puh-leze do not make me worry about anything else just yet. But you just wait and see.

Ohhhh, La La

Well, I will be off work in a couple of hours (3 hours and 32 minutes as I type this- and no, I'm not counting why do you ask?) and will be on my way to meet MM. He has a big weekend planned for me, so he tells me. I don't know exactly what he has in mind as he tells me it is a surprise.

Some of it I know, like going to look for a place to live. And a couple of errands that he needs to run. The rest is up in the air. I think we might go out for dinner. As I am not familiar with the area all that well, I do not know all the restaurants. We did talk about dinner out a few days ago, so if we do go out, I imagine that we will go to the restaurant that we talked about. He also wants to take me out after dinner to go have a few drinks. I don't know where that will be. I guess we'll see! (3 hours and 30 minutes-I tell you I'm not counting, why do you keep asking?)

I am pretty sure he has some Hot Sex planned for this weekend too. Hope you don't mind, but if he does (and I do, baby, I do!), I won't be sharing all the details. Well, I might share some, but I promise to keep the graphics out of it.

I really hope we find someplace this weekend to rent. That will be the first step to getting my ass down there. Yea! Boo if we don't though. We'll just have to look in a couple of weeks then when I can go back. One step at a time. Even though I am impatient and one step at a time annoys me. (3 hours and 21 minutes- I'm NOT counting so stop asking!)

So, tell me Friendsez, do you have any Hot Plans for the weekend?

It's Official

I talked to my attorney on Friday about moving. He told me that it was a "fabulous" idea. In fact, he told me several times that it was a "fabulous" idea and that it would help my case tremendously. So this weekend I am going down to MM's place and we are getting it on going to look for a place for me to live. Preferably a house to rent. I lived in a duplex and currently in a house and I don't think I could ever go back to apartment living. He doesn't want to either.

This past weekend I spent the nights with him and the days with my son. Normally I stay with him on Friday night on my way down to see S. Then go get S and get a hotel room for our visit. Then MM comes over Saturday evening and spends the night with me. Mom went with me this time. I don't know about you, but sleeping in the same bed as my SO and mom sleeping in the bed next to us is a little creepy. And totally makes it so we can't get the Sex on. Weird in more than one way to have mom sleeping in the bed next to us. Ick. No thanks. So I hiked my ass on over to his house. It is about an hour and a half away but so worth it.

We spent time this weekend talking about his military time. It is a lot to take in. We ate some good food that me and mom made at the hotel. Then I totally crashed. But since it was time to change the clocks, my brain would not shut down and I woke up at about 1:30. And did not go back to sleep for fear I would over sleep. Talk about tired all day and night. We had some good conversation, especially considering that it was in the middle of the night and neither of us had had more than a couple of hours of sleep the night before and only a couple of hours of sleep Saturday. I got up and took a shower while he made some breakfast, and then was on my way. It was a good weekend. With MM and with S. I can't wait to get closer so we can spend more time together. This long distance shit is for the fucking birds.

I am really looking foward to getting my ass down there for many reasons. The sooner I get down there, the sooner I can show myself established for court, the closer I am to S and MM, and the sooner I can get more sex.  moved on in my life. Plus the weather is nicer. It's way warmer down there right now.

I will have a more certain date of moving after today and this weekend. My boss is telling his boss that I am leaving. They will decide whether to keep my job in the office I currently am in, or move it to another office. If they move it, I will not give as long of a notice. If they retain the job in my office, I will stay for a while to train the new person. For a couple of weeks anyway. I figure four to six weeks from now, my shit will get thrown into a moving van and I'll be outta here. Come on four to six weeks.

So, tell me interneters, any suggestions on things I need to consider before this long distance move?

Welcome Bitch

This new blog will be to chronicle my journey in a new life. Well, it feels like a new life. I will be moving down south, therefore, a yankee transplanted. This will not be a PG rated blog. Probably more like a rated R blog. So if you don't like the "F" bomb, and you don't want to hear gross/inappropriate stories, please don't read this. I don't really want any hate mail. I am giving you fair warning to not read this and just stick with the other one. I will try my hardest to keep both blogs going, and keep at least semi-regular posts on both sites.

Let me tell you why I am moving. First and foremost to be with the man I love. I have rambled on  briefly explained my relationship with MM in my other blog. I want to move down south so that I may have a long and sex filled blissful life. Ok, I know, he's a man and it will probably only be blissful once in a while, and he works a kajillion hours a week, and is pretty set in his (somewhat old fashioned) ways (like me-though decidedly un-old-fashioned ways), but, hell, I'll take what I can get. It's all been good so far anyway.

The second reason is for my son. I will be closer to him while working on bringing him home. Not that it matters how close I am, because I am not allowed to see him any extra right now. My ex "won't" allow it. Soon, it will all blow up in his fucking face, and I can't wait. He will rue the day he crossed me. The bastard. However, moving closer will allow me to offer better visits to the ex when I get custody back. I will be moving about two hours away. That means I can offer every other weekend and let him pick S up on Friday night and bring him back Sunday night, but not have an eight-nine hour drive, just one way. Makes me look like a fucking generous mama when we go back to court. It means that the ex will also be close by when I get custody back. So he can "participate" in activities. Yeah, right. That'll be the day. Or only when he's up to something again. Tricky-tricky. Have to keep a close eye on him.

Third and frivolous. I hate cold weather. I don't like a lot of snow, ice or freezing temps. Now I know that this year has been an uncommonly cold and snowy year for the south. However, this past winter was unusual. Moving south puts me out of the long ass cold winters that never seem to end. And then you get the new spring weather for a week, sometimes even two. Then POW you get slammed with another batch of that cold snowy shit. For like a week. It sucks. I want shorter milder winters from now on. So down I go.

So this is my welcome to my new blog. Welcome, Bitch. There now I can go do something else. Like post on my other blog.