What Not to Wear

I am not classy. I don't like to dress up. I don't want to wear dresses (mostly because I am super self-conscious about my legs which I think are fat) and I sure don't like to wear shoes that show off and highlight my toes (I have ugly toes). I want to go barefoot, in jeans and a tank top or t-shirt. I even mow my yard in bare feet (I fucking know I could cut my toes or feet off, I have heard it all before so stuff it because I am certain a pair of tennis shoes is not going to stop that blade). 'Course, I have green feet when I'm done, but it washes off eventually.

I do know how to behave in public. I do know how to present a classy facade. I just tend to ruin it when I open my mouth.

This is leading somewhere so stick with me....

A wedding. I hope to get married sometime this fall. I want an outdoor/backyard wedding because I don't go to church and that seems wrong to me. It would seem false to me to go and a have a church wedding with G-d and all that shit when that is not how I believe(that's a whole different post and I don't want to hear about it today, K?). So MM is A-ok with an outdoor wedding. Score one for me.

I want to get married without wearing some ridiculous poofy white mostrosity of a dress. I don't do dresses, and I certainly don't do wedding dresses. Ick is all I can say. I want to wear jeans. And a tank top. And no shoes. You read that right. I want to get married in bare feet. And jeans. And MM doesn't care as long as we get married in a ceremony and he doesn't have to wear a tux. Score two for me.

(Side note: I just went to the bathroom here at work, and OMG, that bathroom is freeze your ass to the seat cold!)

Then I asked MM if he cared if we went to Vegas and got married by Elvis. He was okay with that, too. Then I realized that both of our children would be disappointed if they did not get to be there and be a part of it. So, we'll get shackled here.

When I told my mom my plans to get hitched barefoot in jeans, she laughed and said that sounded just like me. She also asked where I planned to get married since she knew it would not be in a church. She said the backyard sounded like a good idea to her, too. She said it fit me and was appropriate for my personality. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Then, I told my sister. Now, I do love my sister, but as far as people can go, we are polar opposites. Literally. She had a fairy tale wedding with the flowers and dress and church and blah, blah, blah. I hated every minute of it, and as I was the Maid of Honor, a lot fell to me. Yuck. I have had enough wedding like that for my lifetime.

And now I will leave you with a cliff hanger to see what my sister said/did/heart-attacked about when I told her my plans. I mean come on, we haven't even officially set a date yet. Puh-leze do not make me worry about anything else just yet. But you just wait and see.